the greatness of the waitresses' "christmas wrapping"

"A&P has provided me / With the world's smallest turkey"

How is it nearly the end of 2023? What a busy few months it’s been—mainly because I’ve been doing things like interviewing Brenda Lee(!!!) about “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and scripting and narrating podcasts about the mystery of “Jingle Bell Rock” as well as promoting my latest book, This is Christmas: Song by Song, which Book Riot named one of the 25 Best Christmas Books of All Time. I’ll put some more links below!

This Thursday, December 21, I’m going to wrap up my press year by being on NPR’s 1A in the 10am EST hour discussing all things Christmas. Tune in!

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As part of this book promotion work, I’ve often been asked the question: What’s your favorite Christmas song? This changes by the year: Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” which I’ve defended before, is a perennial favorite, as is Joni Mitchell’s holiday-adjacent “River.” I also never get tired of Wham!’s “Last Christmas.”

But this year, I think I’ve settled on my all-time favorite tune: The Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping.”

Here’s how I describe the song in This is Christmas:

The holiday season isn’t always sugarplum fairies and neatly wrapped gifts. After preparing for parties or stressful family visits, sometimes you’re just not in
the mood to be merry or make nice. Luckily, the Waitresses have just the song for Christmas cranks: the exasperated “Christmas Wrapping,” which features a protagonist relieved to be spending Christmas alone after a hectic year.

However, “Christmas Wrapping” isn’t really about a holiday grinch. Read the lyrics closely and you’ll discover that the song actually revolves around a chance meet-cute. The narrator and a man she met at a ski shop have tried to meet up
all year but were thwarted at every turn by obstacles: bad weather, schedule misalignment, a dead car, sunburn. On Christmas, however, the fairy tale concludes in the best way possible: She runs into the same man at the store because they both forgot to buy cranberries. Cue a happy ending—and a happy holiday.

This description is only scratching the surface. The Waitresses’ song feels more relevant than ever in 2023. Everyone I know is absolutely exhausted, burned out and ready to unplug from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Nobody has the energy to celebrate or be merry; instead, the preference is to hang out at home and recharge. With the prescient lyrics by Chris Butler, “Christmas Wrapping” understands us:

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer
I just need to catch my breath
Christmas by myself this year

It’s not always easy to admit you’re not feeling festive. In fact, it can feel embarrassing or even taboo to admit that you’d prefer to be by yourself on a holiday that’s all about community and togetherness. (Don’t worry, mom and dad, you’re not included in this!) After all, so many Christmas songs are about the magic and innocence of the holiday—or at least are about striving for that mythological perfection.

But “Christmas Wrapping” eschews creating a snow-globe Christmas vibe — and instead goes for gritty, frazzled realness. It’s deliberately imperfect and messy. I mean, how many of us have that phone call (or email) we’ve been putting off for months and months? Or that simple task we’ve embarrassingly completely dropped the ball on?

Last year, ski shop
Encounter, most interesting
Had his number but never the time
Most of '81 passed along those lines

And what about when you realize that you’ve totally screwed up and forgotten the cranberries? Yeah, “Christmas Wrapping” gets that feeling too.

A&P has provided me
With the world's smallest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?

It’s a relief to know you’re not alone in running on empty during the holiday season and doing a subpar job celebrating. And so in many ways, “Christmas Wrapping” is more true to what Christmas feels like when you’re an adult with responsibilities and just doing your best to get through the end of the year.

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FMQB, December 10, 1982

But “Christmas Wrapping” isn’t dour or glum—in fact, it’s far from it. The song first appeared on the awesome compilation A Christmas Record, issued by the avant-garde record label ZE Records. Talk about an incongruous pairing: As Chris Butler told The Guardian: “You have Alan Vega and Lydia Lunch on your label—not festive nonsense! I hoped they would forget the idea, but they didn’t.” Label head Michael Zilkha even booked the Waitresses studio time at Electric Lady Studios to ensure they’d cut a song for the compilation.

At this point, the Waitresses’ lineup at the time included awe-inspiring musicians: ex-television drummer Billy Ficca; future B-52s bassist Tracy Wormworth, wildly inventive saxophonist Mars Williams (who sadly recently died); and touring B-52s trumpeter Dave Buck.

Understandably, “Christmas Wrapping” is a musical marvel—a post-disco explosion with horns that sound like an epic kick line and seamless grooves that conjure a rocking pogo party. Named in homage to Kurtis Blow’s 1979 smash “Christmas Rappin’,” the tune begins with deceptively cheerful sleigh bells. Next, “Christmas Wrapping” incorporates “shuffling grooves and a slippery guitar riff that echo both ’50s rock ’n’ roll and punkish new wave,” as I put it in This is Christmas:

Williams and Buck especially add color, contributing enthusiastic playing that mirrors the melody; Williams played both alto and tenor sax. …Wormworth, meanwhile, told The Guardian that she was inspired by the iconic bassline of Chic’s dance-floor- unifier “Good Times”: “I wasn’t trying to rip it off, but I was heavily inspired by it. I sat in the studio and worked out note for note what I would play.”

That’s an understatement: “Christmas Wrapping” is buoyant and hums with bouncing-rubber-ball rhythms, while Williams also added “free jazz mayhem” to the end, Wormworth said. And then there’s vocalist Patty Donahue, who absolutely nails the “I’ve had it!” vibe of “Christmas Wrapping.” Her delivery is measured and crisp, but there’s urgency to it—as if she’s excited to check off everything on her to-do list so she can just chill.

As I wrote:

Vocalist Patty Donahue speak-sings over the rollicking music in her usual nonchalant way. However, she also adds the right amount of deadpan humor to the irreverent proceedings, such as when she utters a mild expletive to punctuate the lyric about forgetting cranberries.

FMQB, December 3, 1982

“Christmas Wrapping” has been covered by artists as varied as Kylie Minogue and Iggy Pop and the Spice Girls. These versions have varying levels of irreverence, of course—but the song’s winking spirit lives on.

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So now some business: First and foremost, I have to give a major shout-out to the indie bookstore Mac’s Backs here in Cleveland, who have been so supportive of all of my books - they sell signed copies of everything I’ve released! - and were kind enough to include This is Christmas in their holiday gift guide. I also discovered I’m on their homepage! (Aww.) Buy books from them! Indie bookstores are treasures.

I’m very grateful for all of the interest in This Is Christmas! Shout out to

S.W. Lauden

and

No Fences Review

for the interviews — the former a great Q&A, the latter one focused on country Christmas songs — and

Austin Kleon

for the link and shout-out!

However, I’ve done a few presentations at local libraries (like one in my hometown of Lakewood where I sold out of books!) and talked to 360 Sound and appeared on the Record Store Day podcast and the What Difference Does It Make? podcast. I’ve also had the good fortune of being featured in Antique Trader, Cool Cleveland, the Cincinnati Enquirer and Akron Beacon Journal.

As I write, 2024 is shaping up to be another exciting year—I can’t wait to share. But until then: Grab some cookies, put on some warm pajamas and a good TV show—and enjoy the season.